Need you here

I feel kinda gloomy and down today. I thought it was easy. But I was wrong.. So wrong! It's so hard to maintain a joyful heart when all the project just come running after you. And I don't understand why some people just don't want to give their best. Why want to be lukewarm when you know that you can do very well when you really give your best? argh.

Yes, sometimes I really feel very angry inside but I just kept my cool.(just like a balloon that is almost bursting!) I didn't want to make the whole situation even worse. At other times, I'll just shout when I cannot take it anymore. arghhh. Helplessness. But then again, I've no rights to judge because I'm imperfect too. Sinner, I am.

Why can't I just maintain a joyful heart whenever problems just crashing up my way? Why am I so judgemental? To make matters worse, I've realised that nowadays, I'll get really impatient even for the slightest thing. I know I've said this many times but I just keep struggling and struggling and struggling. Losing count of the number of times I've been struggling in this area, God help me. seriously.

Whenever I thought of the uncountable senseless and stupid things that I did, I'll start to feel really disgusted. Disgusted at myself! At the same time, I thank God because he made me into something when I'm nothing. Creation that HE loved.

God, I desperately need your help!

Deuteronomy 4:29-31 (The message)
29-31 But even there, if you seek God, your God, you'll be able to find him if you're serious, looking for him with your whole heart and soul. When troubles come and all these awful things happen to you, in future days you will come back to God, your God, and listen obediently to what he says. God, your God, is above all a compassionate God. In the end he will not abandon you, he won't bring you to ruin, he won't forget the covenant with your ancestors which he swore to them.

gonna claim this verse!